the bubble

i miss it so fucking much
i can't wait to go back
it's the only place i want to be right now

kids in their cars, cigarette smoking

he reminds me of my father if my father was a lunatic.
but taller and much wiser...
i held your hand on the 4th of june
you're lovely as the moon but darling you know i just can't love you.
there was a song you taught me and it sounded like the blues
if the blues was full of screaming and it had no other meaning

we spent a week on your lover's lawn
you said you never loved him
but back then you couldn't see him being gone
and you didn't think you'd live this long

but if there's something that i know it's that you did it for yourself if you included me and jim and tom and someone else
if i could hold you know like i did when you were leaking
and the blood was just a trickle in this flood of greater meaning
then i would tell you what i did back when you were here

and right here is where i'm staying and by god you know my love is going nowhere.



i had a dream this morning that reminded me of this movie for some reason. i'm pretty sure it was in black and white. i had just married a very classically handsome man. our bed was covered with wrapping paper from all of our wedding presents which we proceeded to throw to the side, in order to canoodle. hubby then goes "i hear something", and runs into the other room. i am not very happy that he did this. AT WHICH POINT, i hear a gunshot from the other room. i freak out and jump into the pile of wrapping paper between the wall and the bed, in order to hide, obviously. i cover myself completely and think i'll never be found, but 30 seconds later these two dudes who shot my beloved husband come into the room and find me. the end.

hmmm.

this is love, so will i survive?

it's really just a matter of confusion.
a familiar state, attributed to misunderstanding, misjudgement, miscommunication, and just general unfairness.
when the question marks dot themselves, there isn't really much we can do. no control, no avoidance, can't we all just talk to eachother??

this is how i feel:

searching through a messy room for a communication device.


lollapalooza was great. not as great as expected, but still real great. no more hampsters in the basement. no more love in my heart. just kidding. that's all i EVER have. and well, if everything went my way, you would have been there dancing next to me instead of the countless creeps trying to cop a feel. feels. plural. too bad things haven't gone my way since the womb.

on a more exciting note, DJ MOMJEANS. aka danny masterson. yes, you heard right. this beautiful boy:

is the best fucking dj in the world.

well. no. he's not. at all. BUT LOOK AT HIM. it was probably one of the most fun shows at lolla. missed rage against the machine and wilco for him. OOPS. anything for hyde. i've always had a gigantic crush on him, so it's very ok. AND his brother was there, francis from malcolm in the middle. i saw him groove. :)


haha

all our dreams come true

so today, the woman i nanny for told me never to have kids. haha oops!

new favorite toy= the rapman.



(note the turntable.)

the hampsters are trickling in, one by one, day by day, fun by fun, drug by drug.

and ellie is back on the homestead. and and and. really frightened for lolla this weekend because APPARENTLY it's about to be 99 degreez. so. um. yep. woo.

will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?

so i could talk about pitchfork and it's glory, i could talk about the incident on the train which sent me home unable to understand the brutality of urban humanity thus in tears, or i could talk about how interesting it is that all of the people i find close connections with end up being redheads.

let's go with the latter. the other two another time. i feel like blogs are for whatever's IN your head and ON your mind at the time. :)

i mean, i wouldn't say i'm automatically attracted to red heads, i've just recently realized that they tend to be some of my favorite people i have the weirdest deepest coolest connections with. interesting, right? right.

backyard family barbeques these days really are some of the best places to have fun, because you always get to unexpectedly hang out with those people or that person you played with as a wee one, and now are awkwardly growing up next to. and then you smoke pot or something together and so many things change!

bababa
dear evanston summer,

you are turning out to be pretty beautiful and interesting and complicated and confusing and i think just pretty neat. so keep it up, i could do without those few annoyances and confusions, but such is life. so. ok. you're ok. you're swell.

that'll do pig, that'll do.

forever,
emma.

i take my coffee, bittersweet.

i can't really figure out what that was.
what a beautiful surprise though. pretty sure i needed those kinds of faces. and a very occupied basement.

i've realized just being nice and sweet and cool about it and everything, creates a very pleasant experience. so. ok. i guess i'll just stay a sweet pea from now on.



the last month and a half of evanston summer will be very interesting, i think real good. real. good. pitchforkkkk this weekend. it's about time i got my dose of hipsters and great music all the time. and cheap water.

strangely, being home here has made me more of a hipster than i ever was. before coming home, at hampshire hipster haven, i would never consider myself a hipster (just friends with them, of course), but being home has just bored me out to such a level that i need to dress cool to entertain myself. i find it so much fun. and i guess i care more about my appearance when home because evanston cares, and camp hamp does not whatsoever. which is lame. which i always knew but never realized. i was so immune to it.

hampshire really just gave me new needed eyeballs.

oh also. so keeping my marijuana in my tissue box was not the greatest idea of all time. or it was. because whenever i blow my nose now, i feel like i'm getting high.

buddy-o, yiddam, diddam dee

my henna is fading faster than my dog's eyesight. and now i just look diseased. but it's alright. "but let the mind beware, that though the flesh be bugged, the circumstances of existence are pretty glorious." thanks jack. i am starting to feel less and less ailed with the rest of my recent body malfunctions. hurrah.

went garage sailing yesterday and picked up some gems. another, yes another, typewriter for $15. working and beautiful and blue(ish), olympia. we'll see what magic can't be worked.



among others, also picked up "poetry for your table" and some bizarrely sweet eskimo coasters. mod 19 get ready for weird beauty.





chloe left for camp today. :(
lonesome be had. i liked having a housemate. but OH she'll be back.