godspeed...

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reduce it to the ground

everything is everything. nothing is nothing. everything is nothing. nothing is everything. ETC.

i saw a number in the sky. in the sky.
and if there's a god, he's a little god.
and he holds you closely inside these walls.
but he hates his babies
most of all.

i've been toying with the notion. i accidently typed nothing. at first. i've been toying with nothing too. and that and this and this and that.

so some of it's gone and it was valentines day yesterday so fuck thattt. i'll escape to the darkroom and get lost in chemikals. that way, i can still play god.

attention deficit definitely

infinite distractions. being infinitely distracting.

may cause drowsiness

my insides are all tied up.
my outsides are all wrong.

they prescribed me something to trick my brain into thinking i don't have to cough.
and a chemical steroid that i inhale in exchange for breath.

and everything. still. will never. leave me. alooone. drowning in the beaurocrasea. baahh.

wonder dose does

i caught the smell of last year earlier tonight. it suddenly stopped me in my tracks and made me feel everything i was feeling at that exact time last year and i couldn't decide if it was a little sad or strange.

hmm wonders what a year does?

letha(l)rgic

Imagine an eye unruled by man-made laws of perspective, an eye unprejudiced by compositional logic, and eye which does not respond to the name of everything but which must know each object encountered in life through an adventure of perception. How many colors are there in a field of grass to the crawling baby unaware of 'Green'? How many rainbows can light create for the untutored eye? How aware of variations in heat waves can that eye be? Imagine a world alive with incomprehensible objects and shimmering with an endless variety of movement and innumerable gradations of color. Imagine a world before the 'beginning was the word.'

-sb

depricat(er)ing

i really don't know what it means to work anymore. to DO work, that is. the beginning of the year was so crazy hectic and stressful, but only because i had a ton of places i needed to be. not because of any amount of work i had to do. and now it's finals. and i have to write a paper. and i don't remember how. and it's a little freaky. i have absolutely no idea what to do. even thinking about it makes me nervous and anxious because i feel i don't have anything of value to say, and i'll end up bullshitting everything because that's all this year has been. i've smoked way too much pot and have created absolutely nothing of value this semester. i haven't been motivated to throw myself into my work like i expected i would, because now i'm finally doing exactly what i've been wanting to do and i'm letting it completely pass me by. which is depressing. because i absolutely cannot seem to get myself out of this lazy mentality. i have zero self control. and zero self discipline. that combination is. a. disaster.

thanksgiving was nice.