some beautiful place to get lost

all i can do now is focus on the tiny notches in my curtain
all i can see now are the little things
there is no bigger picture
i don't know you
i don't think you were ever real,
did you know that?
it's different now.
no longer a candy coated dream.
not that it ever really was
unbeknownst to me.
there's too much salt
i can't really breath
i've forgotten how
there's nowhere to go
i am stuck in endless deja-vu
circling towards un-discoveries
this whole place is illusion
this whole face is confusion
you don't understand.
i can't type, my ribbon is mirroring the world.
upside down with you.
it's tainted.
it fainted.
so all i have is here. sorry.
i didn't mean for it to be that far.
this is what it's like then,
to get to that point i only hear about.
i already knew, everyone knew
i avoided, they joked
don't look at me now, it's too much.
don't give me that politeness, i can't deal with it.
don't offer me cancer, i can't handle it.
i threw you up last night,
and now i can't eat.

i don't think i miss you anymore.
how can i miss something i don't know?

tell me when i can open my eyes again.