therapy

i don't know what to do when it comes to other people's problems. anymore. i used to be all into giving advice and being all knowing about everything, which is totally still fun, but this summer has been such a distraction from caring about other people. i guess i've only been distracted by myself and my need to figure things out i have no idea about yet. so it's confusing. because how am i supposed put myself in the middle of someones plural when i can't put myself in the middle of me? and not come out a bad guy, assuming to take sides and etc. when really, i just go with whoever whenever wherever and don't think about any implications. oops.

that dream last night has kept me in a state very unattached to the real world. i keep thinking the joker ACTUALLY did try to kill me but i escaped through the window and ran through the streets calling people for help (including a someone that didn't really react, my un-home parents, the un-answering police) and trying to find my way home or just somewhere and ended up by train tracks with people i didn't know that were happy and helpful and comforting. and then i ended up in the same room with mr. joker while i was supposed to be hiding from him in a resort, i kept putting my book and magazines in front of my face so he wouldn't see me and well, try to kill me. that same someone was sitting and talking with him at the other end of the room. and i thought "ohhh ok, so that's why they haven't been calling. that would just be awkward." and didn't really think twice about this person cavorting with the enemy, the psycho trying to kill me. which made me kinda pissed when i woke up. woke up, at which point i opened my eyes to my room and my closet and my very safe life with no one trying to kill me. which was a huge comfort.

all the dreams i've had lately in which i'm running from something or someone or some psycho is trying to kill me (which is very recurrent...), there is never any reason behind the running away and the killing. why would anyone want to kill me? i never think about the reason, i just run like a maniac, sometimes panicked thinking my life is about to end, sometimes completely calm and just in the zone of escape.

gahh.